To die young... To die hard...

The following contains sensitive topics on HIV and homosexuality.

According to the recent Department of Health report:

For the month of September 2007, there were 25 HIV Ab seropositive cases reported. Twenty
three (92%) were males and two (8%) were females. The median age was 32 years (range 22-
55 years). More than half (64%) was in the 25-39 year age group. Sixty four percent were from
the National Capital Region (NCR). Reported modes of transmission were sexual contact (24)
[heterosexual (6), bisexual (6) and homosexual (12)]. One had no reported mode of
transmission.

From January 1984 to September 2007, there were 2,965 HIV Ab seropositive cases reported
(Figure 1), of which 2,189 (74%) were asymptomatic and 776 (26%) were AIDS cases. More
than half (58%) of the cases was in the 25-39 years age group (Figure 2). Sixty-six percent
(1,951) were males. Sexual intercourse (87%) was still the leading mode of transmission (Table
1). Of the AIDS cases, 307 (40%) were already dead at the time of the report due to AIDS
related complications. Source: http://www2.doh.gov.ph/nec/HIV/Sep-AIDSreg2007.pdf

The presumption or myth that HIV is only carried by gays or bisexuals made the disease part of the majority’s impression on us, not to mention others used it for discrimination. Of course since it’s just a stupid myth, as our anatomy is just the same with heterosexual males, that perception is deemed to die, albeit slowly, very slowly. But this won’t erase the fact that gays and bisexuals are really at risk to be infected. Consider this announcement in a popular gay-bisexual online community:

"....WHO WANTS TO JOIN ORGY..Orgy MAXIMUM of 6 MEMBERS @ my PLACE, near 7 11 RULES:LEAN or Slimtoned Guys wid NICE COCKS ONLY..NO CHUBBIES NO OLDIES NO EFFEMS1. MUST be SUPER HORNY!!!!!!!!!! DAPAT GAME SA LAHAT!!! PERMORNCE LEVEL DUDES!!!2. MUST be a good kisser, licker, sucker, and fucker! (don't worry cute naman napili at malalaki nota, if may hindi ka type, u can back out!)3. BAWAL MAARTE, Cowboy Dapat HUBAD KUNG HUBAD, 4. Preferabbly VERSA TOP or VERSA BOTTOM5. Marunung dapat TRUMABAHO, hindi yung titihaya ka lng, Dis is SUCK FEST and FUCK FEST. NO SELFISH DUDES. GIVE AND TAKE TO PARE!6. PRACTICE SAFE SEX Bring Condom and Mouthwash! ..."

I cannot say that all or most gays are indeed horny (more than the usual though) basing only on my experience or on what I have observed, as I always reserved this as a matter of individuality. Somehow, it is not the horniness which puts us at risk or places us in a lifestyle of promiscuity, but it is the freedom we gays enjoy. Gays are free to have sex without fear of getting pregnant obviously. We can have unprotected sex without bearing children after. You can have sex and won’t worry of any responsibility after. And as others have said, and I will attest to the fact, that sex without condom (the common protection we can have aside from abstinence) is more sensational that with one. And the point? We gays, including bisexuals, are just given the option to use it or not. And it’s not hidden to common knowledge that most of us prefer not to use one because of the “thrill and satisfaction.” This won’t be a problem if you and your dude practice a “monogamous” relationship. That is, you reserved yourself only to your partner. No more third, or fourth, or nth partner.

The saddening fact is that more and more young people are being infected with HIV (by sexual contact). Others prefer to die young than die old without someone to care for them when they reach the elderly stage. One member of that community said, “Buti pang mamatay ng bata, kaysa tumanda nang walang mag-aalaga.” Yeah, I fear to get old and die alone but it won’t give me the excuse to risk myself, my family, and others to the horror and pain of AIDS. What will be the future of the gay community if the young ones are risking themselves just for sexual thrills and adventure?

A Confession
No, I don’t have HIV. You might be thinking that I’m making an impression of myself as clean, free of taint from lust, or in other words, “nagmamalinis.” I myself have my own share of sexual adventurism. Two years ago, when chatting through cable TV channels was in its peak, I have found myself a textmate. We met by February thru text. His name is Gian, and both of us are 18 that time. We’re not really intimate, just friends. Then five months later we agreed to meet. I thought it will be just a simple friendly date, but the idea of doing it with him crossed my mind. What if? Will I resist or not? My answer was plain stupid – “Mangyari na ang dapat mangyari. Pag dumating na sa puntong yun, saka na lang ako magdedesisyon.” I say I have very weak will against temptation. He brought me to his pad and after hours of chatting he started his move. I was talking then when he suddenly kissed me. I was shocked, I resisted and moved away. But inside me, I longed again for that kiss and all the remaining strength of resistance crambled as he approach me once again. I gave in. It was my first, my very first. I would be hypocrite to say that I didn’t enjoy or want it, that it was just an accident. No, it was my fault. It was my choice.

Still there? Good.

The days that followed plunged me into depression. First, I thought I was strong, but damn I was weak. I gave in to sex outside the tenets of love. I did it just for lust, for the experience. I was curious but it won’t console me. Second, I freaked out, “What if I caught HIV? Syphilis or any STD?” I felt tainted, separate from my classmates who are presumably innocent, uninfected. I became aware of HIV than anybody else. But awareness and will for me is weaker than bodily temptation. Yes, it IS my weakness -- my Achilles’ heel. Somehow, outright virtues didn’t save me from temptation but one thing did --- it was fear. Fear of contacting disease. I built upon that fear my values of faithfulness and loyalty, rebuilt upon it my belief that sex is only in the province of intimate relationships and love. I still remember when my ex asked, after a steamy sex, “What if I have AIDS?” My answer was, “Then I’ll be your partner for lifetime.” Think about it, if he lied to me I would be infected now as we’re having sex almost every night with no limits, unprotected. But both of us are nurses, and we know we have to be monogamous.

Fact: The sexual contact having the highest risk of having HIV is anal sex (receptive).
Another fact: If you’re using condoms, you’re just reducing the risk, not totally removing 100% of it. Worse, if you don’t know how to use one, the risk goes higher. Abstinence is 100% sure risk-free.

To cap it all, I wanted everyone to see the reality of it. We don’t know if we’re winning the war against AIDS as the incidence goes higher and there’s no cure yet, worse the virus can mutate and resist the drugs we have now. The cases of HIV/AIDS are increasing yearly amidst all the campaign against it. Lastly, not to be paranoid, but just to be sure, everybody is not safe against it.

My recommendations? Hmmm… that would be a tough question. Okay, I won’t pretend to be an expert on this but common sense would tell us that it’s right or practical:

1. If you fear to commit but you’re exceptionally horny, rather have a Fubu than having multiple partners. Even though you’re protected, there’s still a chance that you’ll contact it if you expose yourself to others. And the more people you were exposed to, the risk is multiplied. But if you choose to do it with someone you could trust, and do it only with him and be protected the risk is lower. (Note: I don’t endorse friends-with-benefits or fuck-buddies, it’s just an alternative.)
2. If you have a partner, and you love him dearly, and both of you swore to be faithful to each other, and have checked for other risks like drug use or needle prick injuries, then you’re free to do whatever you want with each other only. Not only you are safe, but your relationship goes strong as you trust each other.
3. If you don’t have a partner, and could wait and manage, then abstinence is for you.
4. If you’re sexually active with multiple partners, have a regular check-up and HIV screening.
5. And for those who have been infected already, take care and be cautious.


Whew, that was lengthy. Anyway I hope you learned something. Feel free to leave comments and suggestions regarding this matter. While most of us are in denial with the consequence of this disease, there are still people, infected or not, working and campaigning against it. All the more, the decision is with us. With you only, you cannot entrust your life to someone you just met recently, or in the street or out of lust. You must be in-charge of your life…