“Tol, pakasal na tayo?”

(Gay marriage in the Philippines)…

The scenario: In a rare streak of independence and relative sincerity and
enlightenment, the congress passed a bill allowing gays to be married
here in the Philippines.

Is the Filipino society, known to be traditional and conservative in nature, ready for this?
Are we gays ready to embrace and redefine the meaning of marriage as a union of two persons regardless of gender?

Incidentally the present constitution does not define marriage as a union of only a man and a woman. It could be still defined as a state of union between two parties. I haven’t laid my eyes yet on the new family code as I hate blood gushing out of my nose. The only time I will read it is when I’m so bored or I would be asked to choose between that or watch a remake of Shaider (definitely I’ll read the damn code)… Anyway, for the purpose of my article, I shall refer marriage as a union of two willing and agreeing parties (meaning a person). That would be a broad definition then so it won’t restrict marriage to heteros only.

Now we ask, why bother getting married if we can just live with our lovers under the same roof? For us gays, legalizing marriage is a right and a privilege. It will provide protection on the parties involved, even making certain processes like transacting with the government easy (though with or without it, dealing with the government is hellish anyway). For example, you and your husband wanted to have kids, though you couldn’t make one obviously, you have to adopt. By legalizing marriage, it will be a big help for us to establish a family. Since there are so many gays in our country, and everybody would just adopt, every kid could go to school then. Am I exaggerating or what?...

If all legalities were taken into account and properly answered, and you can finally say to your dude, “I do”, we’ll now talk about how or if the majority would accept it. Sure we have the law, but knowing our adept disregard to laws, one may assume it’s just a bunch of paper junk ready for recycling. Consider this, let’s say we have a dam full to the brim (and the water inside is us gays), and the law is the gate opening suddenly, the water flowing from the dam in great volume would definitely wreak havoc in the areas below. And the point now? The Congress could fully legalize it, but there would be difficulty blending with the society as they see this as, in their terms, immoral and inappropriate. Not everybody would agree seeing two dudes getting happily married.

If you walk across Manila, in broad daylight of course, it is seldom or more than rare to see gay couples holding hands while walking, or being affectionate with each other. If a couple walks into a mall, you could only guess that they are just close friends (or very close and intimate friends). But scenes would be different if you go into a bar. Malls are open to all and its patrons are the general public, much different as compared to bars, which are exclusive or partly like that. This happens as we are more comfortable with our peers and a dude showing affection to his boyfriend is a feeling understandable and shared by all gays.

Why fear? Or perhaps feel uneasy to be affectionate to your lover? On my opinion it’s the feeling of rejection and ridicule by others. In a society, whose image of machismo is prevalent, where men are not supposed to love men, not to include some are still chauvinist, it is very clear that prejudice and conflict would rise. Lines like this is very common, “Sa loob ng kuwarto para kaming mag-asawa, pero sa labas magkaibigan lang kami.” (Inside the room we’re lovers, but outside we’re just friends.) I experienced this in my previous relationship, like having sex every night but in the morning til the sundown we’re just friends though we love each other.

Yeah, Filipino gays exploded in number since the martial law era as more and more gays come out, but there are still some is contended to be confined inside. And that’s understandable. It’s a mere case of individuality.

Why am I saying these?
1. Marriage is a sacred union between two persons. If you plan to get married, you must be true to yourself and had fully accepted and understood who you are. You must be prepared to face the consequences for a relationship you believe to be true and honest.
2. Before society could accept us, we must first accept ourselves. By doing so, you have the finality and firm conviction of who you are.
3. Ready or not, the society will eventually accept us, not by mere desensitization. Understanding our needs also leads to acceptance. Then again, not everyone would as there are always extremes in any society. Nevertheless, as gays hold marriage as important and inviolable, as we take this privilege with grave responsibility, then we can show everyone we deserve it.

Legalizing gay marriage would need hundreds of enlightened people to decide on it on congress. As far as I can see, there’s no open gay in our congress now (closet gays are not counted yet), as they’re much more preoccupied with the decades-long question, “Which is better unicameralism or bicameralism?”

Legalizing gay marriage could be a matter of “being too early or too late.”

*****

One time, I went into a studio have my picture taken. While waiting for the damn cameraman to arrive, I couldn’t help but look closely to the portraits of married couples sitting and playing in the gardens of Intramuros. Another pic is that of a mother and her newly-born child. She is holding her baby while facing the window. While looking on these pictures, I started to imagine me and my boyfriend in tuxedos cuddling and posing in a lush garden, or me holding a baby in my arms while my dude behind whose arms is around me. Is that a typical gay dream?
I think so…