2007 and Others in Ratings

Having the TV ratings as our year-end controversy (See? Since the
government is on holiday and our politicos are in their vacations, we still have scandals. We would never run out of means to entertain ourselves), I decided to review the year using those. Not only that we're just in front of television watching while these bizarre things unfold, we're are also involved, and participation is compulsory! You get to have seizures, amnesia, tinnitus, nausea, vomiting and what-have-you! PG is now a goner, a new era of classification is needed (one that would save you from partial or permanent physical or brain damage in watching TV! haha!)

C - Crap! Owing to the fact that it's a TALK show, producers concentrated more on the decorations and props, performance numbers (guests singing and dancing with background dancers doing Ati-atihan and fire-eating stunts) and lots of plugging. The topic supposedly to be discussed between the hosts and guests is just a desperate attempt to retain its talk-show format. It's still a crap anyway.

ES - Ear-splitting. CAUTION: Wear ear-muffs while watching. News anchor vehemently barks and screams the headlines, the audience's eardrums would burst. Fortunately he's just in the TV tube, you won't need umbrellas or raincoats as his saliva floods the set already.

TM - Totally mediocre. Another caution: take diazepam while watching. Live images of armed thugs and sleazy-mutineer-turned-senator take over a luxurious hotel are beamed not only on your local TV but also on international news channels. Parental guidance is strongly advised so that children would not misinterpret patriotism and nationalism with stupidity and moronic behavior.

DB - Delayed broadcast. News that are days-old already are being presented as new and recent.

OP - Obvious Plugging. TV networks obviously attempt to plug its soaps by passing out behind-the-scenes as real important news. Daily updates include romantic and groping scenes in the bath tub, cliffs, beaches, underwater, and nipa huts. Producers may consider reformatting the news program as they are more updated than the soap itself.

TG - Technical Glitches. Live TV shows attempt to divert public attention by crying it out as technical errors.

QC - Quick Count. Very quick count. Watch news reporters air how a barangay in some island voted in the election. Hear the reporters on the field recite: "Escudero... ten... Legarda... nine... Singson... two... Cesar... one... zero... zero... That's point zero zero zero zero zero percent of the total... unofficial quick count... In Barangay X, Escudero leading with five votes, Legarda... one...zero zero zero zero... Guys, the tribe has spoken."

ECPS - Environmentally correct; politically stupid - Watch senate hopefuls plant kinchay, pechay, kang-kong in our senate (ours? well, it's theirs anyway because it's full of their drool). Though environmentalists would agree with planting, they would definitely disagree in planting withered and old Venus fly-traps in the halls where we pass our laws.

HC - Hinders Creativity. Having highly intellectual ideas coming from genuine creative departments, TV networks now make endless remakes of Mexican telenovelas, Japanese animes, Pinoy comics (one has even the guts to imitate the plot of a foreign superhero series) and, past movie titles and radio shows. If patronage is continued, retrospective amnesia and possible delirium may occur.

O - Old, as in really old. Producers save their programs from possible knock-out from the air just to say that they are 10 or 20 years and thus be able to have grandiose anniversaries. After so many years, programs remain senseless, and needless to say boring.

AS - Attempts to sabotage. Much awaited program finales appear without sounds and special effects. Nobody knows if it's intended but surely networks would have an excuse to air the "real" version in another timeslot.

BM - Blabbering Mouths. Live TV hosts cries against accusations and comments made by his rival program TV host. War of words started, prompting the Senate and the Congress to look into the issue. Beware of sudden outbursts of cries and dramatic moments, this may cause dementia and organic brain damage.

NP - No Plot. Soaps are just relying on special effects and utter cuteness of its characters. Scenes may include artists staring blankly with each other while dramatic background music plays.

EV - May Hasten Human Evolution - After watching this program for a long time, we may expect the audience to resemble as beings with large bald heads with green spots, six clubbed fingers, wide green eyes, and with stuttering speech.

OM - Obvious manipulation - Not only that elections are being manipulated, TV ratings also joined the club. Well, playing dirty is not their style, at least they didn't brought up scandals of some actresses that have left them or hired journalists to write hideous things about a personality in their rival network. They would cry, Libel! Trial by publicity! Injustice! Corruption! Voldemort!!!

JP - Justice Prevails. Really? Watch live as a plunder case comes to an end (after six years of waiting) and with the suspect convicted at last. Then take a deep breath as the plundered is released from prison. (Suffer no delusion of justice: plunderers can commit crime and get off the hook even if they were convicted.)

SIT – Stimulates Intellectual Thinking. Since this phenomenon is very rare to occur in our TV programs, its effects are being studied.