Totoy pa lang, dalaga na...

Last night, I stayed late just to watch ABS-CBN’s The Correspondents.
My friend is asking me to drink and stay overnight in his house,
but I refused becauseI wanted to watch the documentary, aside from being tired and all.
Its title was Flower Girls, derived from the name of the group of 6 or 7 boys ages 7 to 11 years old who had already came out, or in other words screaming “batang badings”. So young yet so sure of their sexuality.

Kenneth, 11 years old, wears make-up before going to school, plays Barbie dolls, loves to enact scenes from teleseryes, and poses like Katrina Halili. Despite the taunts from his peers, he’s still proud to be gay, and more importantly had told his mother that he’s a gay. Fortunately his school does not restrict his behavior, as the principal said, “We cannot change their sexuality, but we can guide the boys to make them productive citizens.”

Kenneth’s friend has a different story. He’s sure about being gay, but he can’t act like one in their house because his mother disapproves it. “Kung kaya nyang maging lalaki, mas mabuti para sa kanya” his mother said. Why? Because she fears for the future of her son; she thinks of the insults and taunts her son would earn for being gay. But all I could answer is, being gay is not being coward, it’s not just about make-ups and sex with guys, it’s also about bravery. The will to withstand all the discrimination and ridicule from those who do not understand us is one of our kind's greatest strengths.

When I was watching this, I can’t stop seeing myself on them. Yeah, I was really gay when I was a kid. I play dolls with my sisters, enjoy them watching doing beauty pageants, and others. I grew up with women all around me. My father was a seaman, so I’m the only boy in the house til I was 10 years old. Typically, I was raised to be a girl, though they didn’t intend to. My parents felt the need to reform so they exiled me to Iloilo. Yeah, I was slightly reformed but when I returned to school, I reverted to being gay again. My friends are girls and gays only. I don’t play basketball because only the bullies do play them at our school. I graduated in elementary as a certified gay.

But things changed when I was in high school. It was like a limbo--- I do have crushes with my classmates (our school is exclusive for boys), but I’m not the typical gay; I have straight mannerisms. My classmates would tell me, “Bakla ka pala?” and I would answer, “Hindi no! Bi lang.” See? I was so sure when I was a kid, but when I entered the tumultuous adolescent stage, confusion sets in. I still remember when I was in 3rd year, all of us 17 gays in our batch, would call ourselves the “babaylans”. We’re united though we have different ways of expressing our gayness.

One time, we are to claim our end-of-the-year report, whether we passed or not. It’s used to be claimed by parents but students themselves could claim it. But that year, all gays, except me, are asked to present their parents so that they could get their report. Why? The advisers have to tell the parents about their sons’ “alarming behavior”. Yeah, it’s pretty alarming for them, well for our school anyway. Why the witch hunt excluded me? I have thought of several reasons like:
1) I was straight acting, or
2) I’m a student council sexytary, I mean, secretary.

I was thankful because I didn’t want to let my mother know, well for the mean time.

In our school, presentations that are gayish are prohibited. We’re not even allowed, obviously not supported unlike in other Don Bosco schools. One time, all Don Bosco schools sent delegates to perform in a fair. One school sent a group of gays and they performed beautifully on stage; they’re active, talented, and much more proud. When our school performed boys and gays alike, wear bayanihan costumes and sang, “Matayog ang lipad ng saranggola ni Pepe…lalalala!...la!” Haha!

We cannot say if those boys are gay forever. They haven’t undergone adolescence yet. But I and my friends have a saying, “Once a gay, always a gay.” A gay’s life is thrilling, adventurous and much more exciting. But most of all, a gay’s life is full of challenges which makes us strong and enable us to be called survivors.

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Well as of now, I'm gay but my actions and mannerisms are really straight. With deep vooice and all, nobody would say I'm gay unless I tell them. I still remember when I told my friend that I'm gay, she said "Talaga?!"...

To all those who have left comments in my previous post, thank you very much! It's been a while since I logged in and posted a new article. Still, thanks for visiting my site.