The Past Week in Random

Wow… It’s been 12 days since my last post. I’ve been busy this past week, leaving
the house early and going back at night just to sleep. And I believe it’s my obligation to share what happened to me as you have been very supportive of this blog and for that I’m very grateful. I’ve attended training somewhere in Rizal which lasted only for 3 days; I spent the rest of the week going around the metro to look for a job, not to mention feeling the searing heat of the sun and inhaling the obnoxious gases in our streets.

Excerpt 1: Bloopers
I was sitting in my chair 8 hours a day, just to complete the lecture required, with the lecturer droning you to death. Fortunately she had us entertained with her discussions, and of course her accent. I’m not into discriminating the accent, but the whole room is already giggling with the words intrabenos, hid-eks, enpants, and seryos (asawa ni Marimar, as one participant noted). Not to forget needol and ligasy…

I still remember my high school Filipino teacher. She was also my adviser back then. These are her words of wisdom I won’t surely forget:
“Papunta pa lang kayo, papunta na rin ako.” (upon apprehending cheaters in our exams)
“You know boys, may mga lima, sampu, apat, sa inyo na hard-headed. You know boys, I can pinpoint these boys but I can’t! Yung mga boys over there!”

Here’s how she interpreted some parts of Ibong Adarna:
“Ang serpiyente ay ang ahas na may paa.”
“Yung agila sa kuwento, bale, pitong araw niyang nilalakbay yung pinagkukuhanan niya ng pagkain. Bale, araw-araw siyang naglalakbay para kumain.” (hay kawawang eagle…)

Instructions like these are very common:
“Boys, straighten your circle.”
“Kahit anong kulay ng folder puwede, basta red!”
“Boys, ano ba ang tagalog ng factory? Di ba paktorya?”

Of course, my professor in college is equally hilarious:
“Iha, hindi mo alam ang autism? Ang autism… yun yung anak ni Kris… si Joseph!”
“That’s why he committed self-suicide.”
“Would you like to discuss the parietal cell component of your red blood cell?”

I still remember when she singled me out of our class for a heart-warming sermon:
“Ikaw, alam ko matalino ka. Basta matalino mayabang eh. Given na yan through the years eh. Kaya ikaw bantayan mo sarili mo, lumulutang ka na sa ere. Isa kang matapobre!”

One, it wasn’t my fault why I can’t stop smiling during her classes, plus the fact that the whole class does. Two, if I can levitate, that would be a big advantage for me because I hate climbing stairs…

Haha!

Excerpt 2: Aargh!
During our training, there was this cute guy, well, not entirely cute, but I swear, I can’t forget his smile and he really smells good. He was seated at the other part of the room, so my neck have to rotate a full 90 degree just to get a glimpse of him (I can’t do a 360 degree head turn okay? Hehe…)

On the second day, I caught him looking at my direction. Wow… I guess he did noticed me. (Go on, dreaming is free)

On the third day, while waiting for our turn at the demonstration, we were told to stay at the other room. Mr. Cutie preferred to stay outside, somewhere in the hallway, while I sit in front of the open door. When my head turned, we had an eye contact, but I looked away instantly.
After our snacks, I went outside to throw the trash, and Mr. Cutie is still outside, waiting for his turn at the demo. The room and the trash can are at the opposite sides of the hallway; when I was walking back to our room he approached me. At the sight of him, my heart started to beat fast. I got nervous.

He talked first:
“Uhm, di ba taga-(name of our school) ka?”
“Oo.” I answered.
“Pwede humingi ng favor? Kilala mo ba si Michelle? Yung naka-red? May number ka ba niya?”
"(Aaargh!) Wala eh. (Number ko gusto mo?) Wait lang ha, baka meron yung iba kong classmates.”

I went back to our room and shouted:
“Hoy! May number daw kayo ni Michelle?! Yung naka-red? Sino ba yun?!”

Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!

Excerpt 3: The Bulge...
I love wearing boxers. They’re loose, cool and much more your thingies could swing freely. In other words, boxers provide complete freedom of, well, movement.
One time, I was wearing a khaki pants, which is less constricting as compared to jeans. For some reason, I started to get horny while walking along our street; I’m not a complete maniac or a pervert, but it’s just me having an arousal. What’s irritating is when my front started to look like having a 5th limb, and if you look closely you could already see the contour of my thing. Aaargh! (I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not an exhibitionist… well not yet. Haha!)
If you'll ask for any specifics... hehe...

Excerpt 4: Just desperate... that's all... (haha!)
Upon entering the Human Resource Department or Nursing Service of some hospitals, the staff would sing in chorus:
“Closed na kami for ap-pli-ca-tion. Next year na lang uli.”