Juliet in A Drag

Back in high school, I always have a chance to act in a classroom drama.
Apparently, I became an undisputed superstar in acting that time. I always had the
lead roles, only that nobody volunteered for the female lead act since we’re in an all-boys school. So here’s two of my unforgettable exposure to stage plays.

1. I was a transfer student then and one of my early friends is Shakespeare, a gay no doubt. He’s an artist, a writer, well a super talented person. And we assigned him to be our leader. Unfortunately, we were tasked to portray a tragedy. Of course, all of us chorused: Romeo and Juliet!

“Ikaw si Juliet!” our director told me.
“Hindi pwede! Over my dead body!” I protested.
“Mamamatay ka rin naman dun. Tragedy tayo eh!”
“Basta ayaw ko!”
“Si Lazatin ang Romeo!”
“Talaga?...” I said.

Lazatin is smaller than me, with humungous head, with braces, but nevertheless he’s a cutie. I’ll hereby refer to him as Mr. Big-Head-Cutie. At that simple offer I agreed.

“May sex scenes?” I whispered to Shakespeare. We just laughed.

It was a Filipino class, so Romeo and Juliet are wailing in Tagalog. Lines like, “Anak, kaaway nathin ang familya niyah! Hindi siyah bhagay sa iyoh!” appears in the script.
I’m not a transvestite, nor did I ever fancy wearing a gown. But Shakespeare insisted, and for the sake of our grades, I complied with his order. My hair that time was barber-cut, as the school requires it, so our leader provided me with a wig.

A straight-looking-gay + a dress + a gown + a little make-up = Voila! A gay Juliet!

The appearance of Juliet is not the primary reason why the audience had a good time laughing in the entire act --- it was her performance.
Imagine this:

After Romeo drank his poison and collapsed, Juliet suddenly woke up as if nothing happened, and recited her lines:

“Hoy Romeo! Ba’t mo ko iniwan!”
“Ma-bu-ti-pang-ma-ma-tay-na-lang-a-ko…”

The toy gun was nowhere in sight, and the director remembered it was with him. He threw it, and I have to pick it at the other part of the stage. I took the gun, went back to my dead Romeo, tried to set it or “ikasa ang baril”, but I was so lame. When I triggered it there was not a single click. (I should have said “bang!” for a more dramatic effect; it was like a silent movie.) Then I just fell on top of Mr. Big-head-cutie.

After all the whammies (no, not the idiot red monster of the game show) that has befallen our act, I still got the Best Actress Award. Well, not because of my acting prowess, but because they have no other choice (or else I would run amok).

What? The sex scene? Oh I forgot… haha
Well, we did have one --- I was completely dressed when Mr. Big-head-cutie lay on top of me. Then my classmates raised the white bed sheet between us and the audience. And that’s it! Aaargh! (We tried to have a kissing scene, but we would need a stool so we remove that scene in the act.)

2. Here’s another one:
I was the wife of the psychotic killer this time. The story goes like this:
A madman stormed our house and attempted to rape me. I resisted and ran away, and I fell on a cliff. I died. And my husband (hey, he’s a cutie too!) came to me and cried. He finally cracked and became a psychotic serial killer. Makes any sense? Nah…

But hey, portraying the fall was hard. Our stage has a ramp (the ones reserved for the handicapped) and I was instructed to roll over. After that act, I earned bruises and dirt all over me (they forgot to sweep it since they’re all panicky preparing).

Still there? Good! I have an extra story…

My fellow actors have cockroach-like voices so the judges didn’t hear a damn thing about our play. After I fell, I immediately went up to the stage to explain everything. When I was about to touch the microphone, I was grounded. “Ouch, may ground!” and my shout echoed on the whole gymnasium.

Another incident: The gym was flooded that time so we had our assembly at the soccer field. I went to the front and asked our catechist if I could make an announcement. Apparently, our priest was holding the mike with a hanky (before that incident we were thinking that he’s just “maarte”). I took the mike bare handed and as usual I was grounded. “Father! may ground siya!” Aaargh, the whole school heard it this time...

******
To all those who commented to my last post, thank you so much. I feel better now, well somehow… haha… But now I know, I could make it… Thanks to you guys…