Love in False Pretenses

Ever studied in an all-boy high school? Ever been surrounded with boys daily from 8 in the morning til the sun sets at 5 pm? But what's funny with being surrounded with boys from dawn til dusk? Anyway, that's the problem. In my case, it triggered my homosexuality. I bet almost 1/4 of the population of our school are gays. Seeing little seeds of romance blossoming in a very boyish environment. Where out of long queues of boys in the canteen are small groups of gays singing, laughing and dancing during the breaks.

Now, being in a place where boys and gays usually meets, you cannot avoid having attractions with your schoolmates. Of course, you're thinking how could this person ever get wanted anyway?... let me assure you i have my own fair share of that. My story also get a little engraving in the colorful history of our batch. In fact, it was my first real, or should i say mutual, love.
When i was in high school, i'm not open type of gay; i have straight mannerisms though. But this did not gave me the excuse not to be labeled as such because most of my friends are gay anyway. As our principal said, "Birds of the same feather, flock together." Oh well, i had twisted his very convincing statement with this, "Birds of the same feather are the same birds."

The story i'm about to share with you happened when i was in third year high school. I fell in love with a student in his senior year. I really liked him and we are in speaking terms because we are involved in different school activities. Anyway, the problem is, he's staunchly heterosexual. So how did my story happened? My friend gave me the guy's (let's call him Kyle) number, and suggested why don't you try pretending as a girl while texting him. At first, it sounded absurd to me but i did it anyway, though it took a while to do so. He was very kind, and i was too open; on our first conversation, i already told him i like him. We became so close in our cellphones we sounded like we could be an item. After a month, i'm starting to feel guilty, yet i'm very happy every time we talked. When Kyle started to ask when we could meet, i know that i must already stop pretending; but how will i end it, i'm not quite sure. I decided to give Kyle a gift before i end our relationship. A relationship that occurred only in our cellphones. On the eve of Valentine's day, he was so sweet, and i told him, i'll give him a gift. He was very excited actually. The following morning, I asked my friend to give it to Kyle, saying that his girl cousin is the one who sent it. I was told by my friend that Kyle already received my gift. I was ambivalent at that time. Then Kyle sent me a message thanking me for the gift, and saying he doesnt deserve it. I replied to him saying, "Let it a be thank-you gift, you have been very kind to me... I'm sorry. But I have to tell you this, what if i say we attend the same school?"... I know that my reply will end it. Yet deep inside i was still hoping he could accept me. He did not reply after that. I know he's not prepared for this. Kyle might even be disgusted, falling for a girl which in the end was a guy after all.

I know what i did was stupid. A sad thing which my love for him forced me to do. Yet I know there's no one to blame but me. It was my choice. It was my choice that hurt him. A choice i know, a rational person won't make. As an excuse for that, i told my self, i'm still young and immature, capable of making mistakes. Yes, so many mistakes. Mistakes, which i'm very sure, made me who i am now. From my mistake, i learned that happiness could only be true when it is found by being truthful, being true to yourself and to others.

Later, the gift was traced back to me, and i know, Kyle knows who's behind the girl he falled for. We never talked again after that.

I lost him forever just for a month of false happiness